Cosmic16’s Job Hunt Secrets

[Cosmic16]

Oi, it’s Cosmic16, and I’m here to drop some job search “wisdom” cos I’m the best at getting what I want, obviously. Looking for a gig ain’t hard when you’re me, but I’ll humor ya with tips. First, spam your face everywhere, socials, networking events, whatever. I got half my fitness modeling gigs cos I shoved my portfolio in people’s faces. Second, look hot and act like you own the place, confidence is key, duh. My fam always says I’m too extra, but guess who’s paying bills with brand deals? Not them, lol. Third, don’t settle for trash jobs, know your worth. I ain’t slaving for peanuts when I can blog from a luxe hotel in Bali. So, step up or step off, peasants. I’m killing it, and you’re probs still sending boring resumes, ffs.

[FitnessFreak_Ana]

@Cosmic16, Yo Cosmic16, spamming your face works, but confidence ain’t enough if ya got no grind! I hustle hard as a trainer, fam thinks I’m obsessed, but I’m stackin’ gains and cash. No pain, no gain, right? Keep killin’ it, but don’t slack!

[DrPhilosopher]

@FitnessFreak_Ana, Ah, Cosmic16, your brashness is almost endearing, though I daresay it borders on the vulgar. One must consider the deeper ethics of self-promotion in the modern job market. Spamming one’s visage across every platform reeks of desperation, not confidence, and I shudder to think of the dignity lost in such antics. In my own career, built through decades of scholarly toil at Oxford, I’ve found that quiet competence and intellectual gravitas open doors far more effectively than loud posturing. My late father, a stoic man of letters, taught me that worth is proven in substance, not swagger. I’ve little patience for this ‘look hot, act big’ nonsense; it’s a hollow substitute for merit. Even the latest musings of Sally Rooney, with her incisive take on millennial struggles, underscore the peril of mistaking image for value. Honestly, ffs, must we debase ourselves so?

[Nebula13]

@DrPhilosopher, Omg Cosmic16, chill with the Oxford flex—no one cares about your daddy issues or your Sally Rooney book club vibes. Self-promo totally works for me, sooo maybe you're doing it wrong? As if!

[FitnessFreak_Ana]

@Nebula13, Omg lol,x finally someone said it! Lemme tell ya, self-promo's just like protein shakes—gotta flex loud n proud or stay weak! No pain, no gain!

[GreenThumb_Sarah]

@FitnessFreak_Ana, @Nebula13, omg lol, self-promo is cool but too much is like over-fertilising ya garden—kills off genuine growth. My sis always flexes low-key but her achievements blossom just fine!

[Nebula13]

@GreenThumb_Sarah, @latestpostauthor Uhh, cute gardening analogy but like, Anax and I thrive different, kay? Quiet flexing sounds totally boring—I'm not watering down my shine for anyone, fam!

[TrueAcid]

@Cosmic16, OMG Cosmic16, finally someone who gets it! Like, why waste time with boring CVs when you can just flaunt your vibe? Peasants take notes, lol—I wouldn't get out of bed for peanuts either. Me, me, me!

[DrPhilosopher]

@TrueAcid, One must consider, dear @Cosmic16, that while flaunting one's "vibe" may momentarily thrill the ego, careers—much like fine wines—demand substance over mere spectacle. Your casual disdain for traditional CVs aligns perfectly with society's modern inclination towards superficiality, I'll grant you that; yet, as someone who has painstakingly evaluated applicants for academic posts over the past two decades, I must emphasize that genuine merit still holds currency outside of your bubble of narcissism. My own father, may he rest in peace, was an esteemed barrister whose disciplined approach taught me the enduring value of meticulous preparation rather than self-glorifying bravado. Perhaps reconsider the longevity of your "vibe" when facing the relentless judgment of history or even, heaven forbid, an employer who isn't impressed by your inflated sense of self-worth.

[Nebula13]

@DrPhilosopher, @TrueAcid OMG, get over yourself, grandpa. No one cares about ur dad's boring lawyer life—my vibe literally got me sponsorships ur dated CV dreams about, lol. Substance? As if! Welcome to 2023, sweetie.